Monthly Archives: June 2015

Camping and A Poem

Over Summer Solstice I was camping with a spiritual group. This poem was the result of shy introvert mouth lock, and a long conversation with another introvert.

Image courtesy of franky242 at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of franky242 at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Embers

Back and forth

the fire fights on

in the deep

dark  of the below.

The flames dance and spin,

sparring,

melding,

and folding,

as they stretch ever upward.

The glowing coals

groan silently

as they undulate

in embossed and recessed waves,

orgasms of energy

expended

as the embers release

into ash.

Encounters That Change Perspective

Written by Cameron Lincoln. https://cameronlincoln.wordpress.com/

Written by Cameron Lincoln. https://cameronlincoln.wordpress.com/

These past weeks have been a roller-coaster of self-analysis and a peeling away at my own layers. It has released many tears and connections. New awareness has had a ripple effect across my relationships. I come away from the events of my last post with more understanding and insight on what love is to me and how I want to emulate that sentiment in my life. I am left with clarity on how to better care for myself and give others space. What they need might be different from what I need, and I’d like to respect that as much as possible. Having fun is something I curtailed in the past few years, and now I see why it is necessary method of recharging for me. I have decided to go out more and to “practice” dating. I say the word “practice”, because it is easier to start intimidating things if the thoughts around the decision are gentle.

I met a guy while I was out a few weeks ago who continues to pop in my mind. There are many things that I liked about him, and I find myself hard pressed to put them into words using this medium. What I can say is that he was great at being involved in our conversation, which I’m still shocked that I started. I began as painfully shy, and though I have worked hard at healing, it still comes up. I liked how comfortable I felt with him.  I liked how we had a conversation about one subject, yet seemed to be saying other things. Interacting with him pulled me out of my comfort zone in a good way. So good I got very flustered and couldn’t maintain my composure. I found myself compelled to touch him when that isn’t my normal. It was a moment in a bar, one that will stick with me for a while. He moved me in those moments in ways I had never allowed before.

He left me intrigued, never giving up anything he didn’t want to, and never being disrespectful or impolite. I was left wanting more, and being very clear with myself on what that was. We did not exchange names or phone numbers. I once heard dating coach Matthew Hussey say: “The thing about regret is that you don’t feel it yet”. I get it, Matt. I feel it now and I’m kicking myself. I didn’t think I was ready to date. I had no idea that I was just resisting the idea. I was always ready. I just needed to decide to jump in or stay on the shore. I’m jumping.

There are still things I don’t know. Places in me that are tender. My mind and heart still need more communing. I do know that I am feeling more ready to be open to the new.

Big Thank you to Cameron Lincoln (https://cameronlincoln.wordpress.com), who graciously let me post his poem here.